October 15th

2 years ago October 15th basically had no meaning to me...just another day on the calendar. Now October 15th has an entire new meaning. October 15th is the National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Everyone was invited to light a candle at 7pm in all time zones, all over the world, in memory of all the babies gone to soon.

Alyssa's Candle

Although Tessa makes the days easier, there is still not a day that goes by that Alyssa is not on my mind. She is on my mind some days more than others, but she is always there. Many people told me that it would get easier as time passes...not true. If anything its getting harder. There is so much I missed out on with Alyssa...I still think about all the "What If's" 

Danny Gokey has a new song out that I just love called "I Will Not Say Goodbye". Here are the lyrics. I think this song is great for anyone that has experienced a loss dear to their heart.

Sometimes the road just ends
It changes everything you've been

And all that's left to be
Is empty, broken, lonely, hopin'
I'm supposed to be strong
I'm supposed to find a way to carry on
I don't wanna feel better
I don't wanna not remember
I will always see your face
In the shadows of this haunted place
I will laugh
I will cry
Shake my fist at the sky
But I will not say goodbye


They keep saying time will heal
But the pain just gets more real
The sun comes up each day
Finds me waiting, fading, hating, praying
If I can keep on holding on
Maybe I can keep my heart from knowing that you're gone


I don't wanna feel better
I don't wanna not remember
I will always see your face
In the shadows of this haunted place
I will laugh
I will cry
Shake my fist at the sky
But I will not say goodbye


I will curse
I will pray
I'll relive everyday
I will shoulder the blame
I'll shout out your name


I will laugh
I will cry
Shake my fist at the sky
But I will not say
Will not say goodbye
Will not say goodbye
Will not say goodbye
ooooohhhhh

Always missing, never forgetting, my sweet Alyssa



Has it really been almost 2 years?

Seems just like yesterday....